I genuinely appreciate conversations about developing ethical sexual boundaries. However, I am much more interested in conversations about emotional and relational wholeness. Sexual boundaries make a lot more sense and are a lot more viable for those with healthy hearts and attachments. The God-who-is-Love generally prioritizes addressing these issues at the core of who we are, in my personal experience. To use Jesus’ metaphor — He cleans the inside of the cup, rather than merely polishing its outer surface.
That being mentioned, I want to highlight two profoundly beautiful books that deal with precisely these topics. Both are written by Christian gay men like myself, who have had to wrestle through working to find a measure of meaningful intimacy and belonging outside of conventional romantic partnerships and nuclear families. Without painting an overly idealistic picture of the situation, both have also found that the Church can itself serve as a life-giving chosen-family that effectively provides much of these needs.
Whether you’re gay or straight, single or coupled, or even whether you’re a believer or not — I think these two books could greatly benefit anyone who has unmet emotional and relational longings. The stories and essays within them are filled with the kind of precious gems of insight that are worth carefully mining and treasuring in reflection multiple times over.….